Is tattling an all too common occurrence in your preschool or in your home? I have one, very simple trick that will put a stop to tattling!
Tattling can be a real pain in the neck for educators and parents, especially preschool teachers and parents where the age seems to bring about tattling in full force. It can be just plain irritating as excessive tattling can be a huge interruption to instruction and daily activities. It is easy to feel frustrated by tattlers, and some schools have in place a “no-tattle” policy, but it is important not to ignore those tattles, because children who tattle are trying to say something very important. Luckily, I have one very simple trick that will put an end to tattling…in a positive and constructive way for both the child and the caregivers.
This post was actually inspired by my good blogging friend, Katie, over at Preschool Inspirations, when she recently wrote the post “The Girl Who Tattled“. In this post she shares experiences from her childhood about being a “tattler” and how her teachers handled it…with a negative response, crushing her sweet spirit. Unfortunately, many children who tattle, regardless of the frequency, have similar negative experiences.
However, it doesn’t have to be, and shouldn’t be that way.There is a positive way to handle tattling, which will virtually put a stop to it.
First, we need to review why children tattle.
Why Children Tattle
Children don’t usually tattle to get others into trouble (at least, not in preschool). They don’t tattle to be vindictive or to annoy their teachers and parents. Children tattle because they are trying to communicate. They have something really important to share, and they just need a little help communicating it the right way.
My friend, Katie, shares that children tattle for some pretty basic reasons:
- Children thrive with consistency. Children understand rules and routines, so when they see someone not following proper rules and routines they feel a need to report it. They want to communicate that something is happening that is not consistent with what they have been taught.
- Children want to do the right thing. Since rules and consistency have been established, any line stepping or inconsistencies feel like the “wrong” thing. So, a child’s response is to communicate that misdeed to an adult who surely can fix it and return order.
- Children love to be helpers. Clearly if something is unfair, somebody has to make it fair, right? Children often report situations to adults as a means of trying to help restore the order that they feel is missing, because, remember, children thrive with consistency.
- Children have to be taught to problem solve. What to do when another child isn’t following the rules, or is playing unfairly, have to be taught to children. Children need caring and nurturing adults to help them work out problems in a positive way. When a child comes to an adult to tattle, they are really asking that adult to help them figure out a solution in their dilemma.
The Difference Between Tattling and Reporting
Before we go any further, we need to understand a clear distinction between tattling and reporting or telling. The differences are as clear as day.
Reporting or telling is:
- when kids report an incident to try to keep each other safe (Johnny is angry and is pulling on Jeff’s shirt).
- when immediate action is required (Callie’s foot is stuck in the chair).
- when an adult is needed to help solve the problem (Where the problem is beyond the scope of development for the child to handle the situation on their own, such as in the examples above).
- no one is hurt or in danger (Johnny didn’t put away his toys at the literacy center).
- when immediate action is not required (Johnny can pick up his toys before snack time).
- when, at some point in development, the child will be able to solve the problem himself. (Johhny might just need a reminder).
It is important to teach children the differences between tattling and reporting. Of course, children should always report an unsafe or dangerous incident, and they should be taught how to identify them.
The One Simple Trick to Stop Tattling
Are you ready for it? In the list of reasons why children tattle, did you notice a reoccurring theme?
Communication. “What would you like to tell..?”
You can put a stop to tattling by helping your students communicate what they really want to say.
So, when a preschooler comes to me with a tattle, “Jack took that puppet from me,” I ask that preschooler, “What would you like to tell Jack?” The preschooler might say something like, “Not to take toys from me. I want the puppet back.” And I respond, “Then let’s tell that to Jack.” I sit next to my “tattler” as he repeats to Jack what he told me. 99% of the time, Jack hands the puppet back.
This technique works equally as well for other kinds of problems. If a preschooler comes to me to report that Jenny didn’t wash her hands before she sat down to have a snack, I ask the reporting preschooler, “What would you like to say to Jenny?” That preschooler typically responds with something like, “That she needs to wash her hands before snacks.” And then I say, “Let’s go remind Jenny to do just that.” And, 99% of the time, Jenny will go wash her hands before having her snack.
Now, sometimes a situation might go as follows:
A preschooler comes to me and says, “Johnny knocked down my tower!” To which I respond…(go on, fill it in)… “What would you like to say to Johnny?” And the reporting preschooler might say, “I hate him and he is mean and he shouldn’t be allowed to knock down towers!” My response would change a bit to make our talk with Johnny more positive. It might sound like this: “You’re right. It’s not nice to knock down other people’s towers. I understand why you are upset. Maybe you can tell that to Johnny.” So then we work out how to talk to Johnny in a positive and constructive way. I always have the “tattler” tell me first exactly what they will say, before we talk to the other child, because I want to teach my preschoolers positive and constructive communication.
Why This Trick Stops Tattling
What makes this simple trick so successful are two things:
- Children are learning how to vocalize what they really want to say in a positive and constructive way.
- Children are still getting the adult support they need to confidently solve problems.
Books About Tattling
This one simple trick to stop tattling may not be the fastest trick in the book, but I assure you, it is the kindest, most nurturing, and most powerful way you can help a child who is a tattler. The kindest, most nurturing, most powerful way you can teach children to solve social problems on their own. After all, tattlers are not trying to be annoying or irritating. They are simply trying to tell you, the responsive and caring adult, that they see a problem and need help fixing it, because they value routine, consistency, and rules.
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